.

:'(

damn sad. i know at some point of time people will feel like nobody cares about them at all. today, i experienced it, it really felt so bad that i cant stop crying, and guess what? the worst thing is that nobody noticed/ cared.

It all started with a stupid burp by my brother who is sitting at the same eating table. i cant stand ppl doing that, its so rude in the first place, secondly, its just disgusting. normally, i would have held by breath and cover my nose for at least a minute, its kind of like xin li fu zuo yong, but i just cant stand it, HATE it. so i made a comment that says: "er xin" then my brother said: "you dont sit here lah" WHAT THE FU*K RIGHT?! D: i was so upset so i just push away my chair and walk away. my mum was like what happen why small small thing also must be so angry. then i was like he burped. my mum just give me the its okay look. my brother still go on demanding for me to go back to sleep, saying i anyhow throw temper and so on, so i just screamed SHUT UP. my mum tried to stop, so i just cried there like an idiot. i cried so hard and so long, at the sofa in the living room where my sis and mum is there too. did they not notice that i cried or they just cant be bothered? i didnt want to eat, wanted to say something like i am so digusted that i dont feel like eating, but its not her fault right? and tomorrow/now is mothers' day. so i just ate sadly, crying at some point of time but nobody give a damn. i seriously feel like an idiot. halfway done, i just said loud and clear that i dont feel like eating anymore. nobody reacted. oh my god, i was so upset. i mean like if its my sis who say that confirm is different de. i was seriously so upset that i just stuffed the food into my mouth, taking like more than 6 spoonful of rice in one go. yup, you are right, nobody care/notice. i really feel like a retard, trying so hard to get their attention, for them to care about me, failing so badly. its so sad to know that nobody actually cares about you. when i went out for movie, nobody know that i went out/ nobody asked where i am going, its like at around 9 plus, if they cared and worry for me, they would have at least asked right? i waited at the door, waiting for dad to ask, but he didnt and i just left without saying anything. for that moment i feel so lousy, so terrible, feel like leaving the house, the world. so i msged joanne, but in the end she seemed more concered about me going for the movie instead of what happened. didnt want to msg kong they all cos i feel that she will be more interested in sharing with me the happy things that happened in her life than to listen to what i have to say, didnt mean anything but that is just how i felt at that moment. i seriously cant believe that, me typing this post here, crying, my mum just behind me, more interested in the election results than me. thanks. i really feel so unappreciated and so inferior and so insignificant. gosh. crying so hard now. tomorrow seems like a worse day, i am just going to rot at home and feel lousy. THIS TOTALLY SUCKS, I AM FEELING SO LOUSY that i feel like doing all the stupid things. who cares anyway. this is really the worst time. no matter what happpened in the pas, i know that there is still someone who care, at least i know that i can lean on my friends. but this time :'(

i feel so... not worthy to be my friends' friend. i feel like i took them for granted. i am such a pathetic LOSER and a SUCKER D: