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I am not ready yet...

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3.30am now.

A good time to stop and think about things :)

difficult to type in Chinese using iPod Dan shi you xie gan Qing hai shi de yong hua wen bian da cai you gan jue.
Yuan Lai wo dui ni bu shi xi huan, zhi shi yang mu...

It's Christmas! :D
got to start doing my homework le, no more maple more than 3 hours from Monday onwards haha!
I want to train harder and perform well in squash! @@ ;) >< :| •^^• :x mixed feelings haha!

My family didn't celebrate Christmas one. Next year I am so going to celebrate it meaningfully! And not stay at home to play comp! *angry face!* D:

Ming tian hui geng hao! JIAYOUS! :D

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23/12/2002

the day when I recieved my soft toy bear/dog. At first I didn't like it, but it had been with me for 8 years now :)

I will celebrate it's birthday every year. Hold parties where I place all or most of the other soft toys in a circle and let them play. Or bath a muffin or make jelly and pretend to feed it when I actually finish everything myself. This year, I forgotten about it's birthday. I was late for 1 hour and 45 mind :( I m sorry my dear soft toy. Tomorrow shall hold a celebrate for you! I sound zi bi right? But nevermind, this is all part of my life.

For you, my memory :D

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feel so out of place. even at home, in school, cca, with my besties.

this feeling really sucks. and music is the only thing that can conceal all this sorrow.

i always wonder, what will happen to me when i grow older?
how am i going to communicate with ppl? get a bf, a job, marry, have children and live happily after. it just seems so far fetched. and i am having doubts if i can do it.

is there something wrong with my character? the way i treat people? why it just seem to me that i am unable to achieve all my dreams? D:

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i saw pain in their eyes.

my sister thought i dont care and dont feel anything. but like what i said, its not what i didnt feel or see, its what i didnt say and show. i have not yet found the courage to talk to anyone or to comfort anyone cause i know before i do that i will be the one crying. grandma cried real hard, she practically broke down. everyone is sad. cried when i left. cos i know it will be the last time. the last time that i see my uncle, the last time that i will think of him. but how about his family? everytime, everyday, everything reminds them of him. i feel the sadness.

someone please give us the courage to stay strong..

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Sad to start blogging with a solem mood.

I hope I am strong enough to face it bravely.

My 5th uncle passed away cause of car accident and tomorrow I am going over to jb for the funeral. It feels kinda wierd. I would say that compared to all the other uncles that I always met during new year, my 5th uncle is the one I least talk to. But, the news of his death is just so sudden and I am saddened by it. My dad too. :( I am trying to supress my tears. How does it feels to lost your kin. Someone so close to you. Be with you through you childhood, your life. I have no idea and don't want to ever experience the painful process. Just hope that everyone can stay strong through this period of time. My dad is a quiet man and he won't tell as how he felt but I know he felt terrible. I can't help. My grandpa fell sick and went to the hospital. This is such a sad sence that I will not want to be involved in...

Everyday the news tells us how many people dies during to whatever reasons. But now, it's too close for comfort, happenin so close to me... I still remember ellis's grandma passing away and she was so sad by it that it kinda affect her in school. Kanagase too, her dad and she is still not over it. I mean nobody will be able to get over the sadness of death but I am sure her dad's death is still bothering her and she still cries over it. Stay strong. And peiying's dad. I cried When I heard the news. I tried to put myself in her shoes. But she is a strong girl. And I hope my family members will be strong enough too, especially my 5th uncle's family.

Why do people die? :(